A reader of my articles wrote to me about the article I wrote entitled, "Why do folks lie?" He said that he would be "very enthusiastic about a similar article with examples about all of the lying that women do. At least within the initial stages of dating, ladies lie so much."
Well, I'm not really as aware of how much women lie on dates as I am of how frequently men lie on dates. So I chose to write about date lying in general.
The person who wrote to me was upset about lies including "I need to go," or "I am busy," or "I'm on another call right now. I'll call you back."
He expresses that "I think that a great deal of this is women's incredibly misguided attempt to spare someone's feelings. Reject them, without really rejecting them."
I think this is accurate. Women happen to be trained to not hurt men's feelings. They've been taught that if the truth will hurt, then tell a "white lie." And, if they do tell the truth, it is normally in a harsh or critical way.
I've frequently counseled women, who don't want to date a specific man. I tell them to express things like, "I do not feel affectionate toward you," or "There doesn't seem to be chemistry between us," or "I am just not feeling a connection to you."
One of my clients told a man who phoned her for a first date, "Your energy doesn't feel sincere toward me. I am not drawn to meet you simply because of this."
He was open to what she was saying and they ended up having an excellent conversation. He was appreciative of her truth, and she ended up dating him.
Since men are normally the ones doing the calling, they're not as often put in the position of say no. My experience is that guys frequently lie too, but in different ways.
As an example, a client of mine, a psychotherapist, dated a man who told her he was in therapy. She was thrilled to hear this, as personal growth was quite important to her.
She later discovered that he was in therapy since the court had mandated it as a result of him having hit his ex-wife in the stomach when she was pregnant. She found this out through the ex-wife. His avoidance of the actual facts was an attempt to impress her and control how she was feeling about him.
Men typically "lie" by coming on strong, calling frequently, and sending flowers to attempt to impress a woman. Then when the woman is "hooked", the interest falls away. The giving wasn't his typical way of being; he was giving to obtain.
It really is well known that many men know specifically what to say to a female to melt her heart. A man at one of my 5-day intensive workshops, who had been married and addicted to being with different women, revealed how effortless it was for him to hook women in, even if they knew he was married.
"Women desperately desire to be seen and understood. All I have to do is reflect back to the woman precisely what she wants to hear and I have her.
I can see her caring, her intelligence, her creativity, her joy of life, her elegance. I can see what she has to offer that's been squashed down. When I observe these things in her, she falls in love with me."
A number of the women in the intensive ended up being drawn to him, even understanding that he was sucking them in! The lie was not what he was saying for them about themselves.
The lie was that he covertly implied that he would be obtainable to continue to see, love, nurture and support them, when in reality he had virtually no intention of continuing to do so.
Lying to your date is normal for both women and men . Generally, neither men nor women intend to "hurt" another person with the truth of that they feel.
Both men and woman can turn on the attraction at the beginning and seem to be giving and caring, merely to turn out to be using the other for their own neediness.
Is there a way out of being at the opposite end of lies? Stay tuned into your own intuition. Speak your truth. Learn to supply yourself the approval and attention that you're attempting to get from another, so that you're not so vulnerable to others' approval.
Do not take it personally when someone does lie to you. Their lie is a lot more about them than it's about you.
On top of everything else you experience while on a date, lying won't make it any simpler.
The answer to this is by arming yourself with all the knowledge on what to expect on dates by searching: speed seduction, david deangelo mystery, or david deangelo double your dating free. Save yourself the distress and educate yourself with regards to dating.
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The Gift Of Virtual Dating - Date Individuals From All Over The Globe
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